How to cope with a cheating husband


I am a man aged 30 and I regularly contribute to different forums and online communities. I found this question on one popular forum called nairaland from Nigeria.

I have always suspected that my husband was cheating on me but confirmed it recently when I found some condoms were missing from our home n his bank statement showed payment for a hotel when I was away on a short trip . When I confronted him his stories ranged from his friend took it to I was mistaken in my counting and to I went to the room but changed my mind n left without doing anything. But his behavior showed he was sorry for about 2 weeks then back to normal. The problem now is I can't bring myself to trust him and my love for him is reducing daily. When he comes home late from work or doesn't take my calls all I can think about is that he is with another woman. To be honest it's killing me slowly because I find myself calling him and quarreling with him constantly.

I don't think I can leave him because he cheated on me because lets face it most men do. I just need advice on how to cope with my emotions cos I m so unhappy and its affecting every area of my life . Sometimes I feel like paying him in his own coin but I am a one man kind of babe.

I just want to concentrate on my kids now but how do i cope with being suspicious all the time n being jealous and bitter and a whole lot of emotions that's killing me.

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  • After the lady had posted this question this is the best answer I suppose she got from this discussion.

    There are basically three kinds of cheats, the serial cheat, the occasional cheat and those who stray once in a while. More than 95per cent of nigerian husbands would fall into this category at a point in their life.

    Your decision would be informed by the category he falls, but I want to believe he just strayed since this is the first time you ve 'caught' him.

    Matters like this require patience. Some kids who have never had a relationship talk more of getting married will soon be here to advice you to divorce your husband. Fact is that most men cheat and many of those who are not cheating probably havent had the chance.

    Depending on the kind of man you married (you know him better than everyone here), I guess what you should do is to have a heart to heart talk with him. Dont be confrontational.

    Ask him if hes willing to swap his happy family with whatever pleasure he's getting outside.

    Appeal to his emotions without being judgmental. The intention is to break him, make him 'confess' , apologise and promise that it wont happen again.

    If he does this, forgive him and try forgetting, though it might be difficult. If you see him as your last bus stop, you ll do everything to make the marriage work.

    I am not advising you to start asking yourself unnecessary questions, but you might need to check if you haven't shifted attention from your husband to your children.

    Women tend to do that alot, forgetting that they met the man first before the kids started coming(marriage counsellors know this).

    Whatever it is, dont hate him, dont get violent. Dont let the devil take charge. He ll come around and things Will be normal again.
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