It's better to get married to a Zimbabwean man: South African women open up

imageSouth African women are in dilemma over leaving the country with their foreign husbands who have been displaced by xenophobic violence in Durban, reports said on Thursday.

Over 10 South African women who strongly believe foreign men are way better than local guys want to travel to Zimbabwe with their husbands but don't have the right documents, said Isaac Moyo, Zimbabwe's ambassador to South Africa.

"The embassy was encountering challenges in cases where undocumented South African women were insisting on travelling to Zimbabwe with their husbands," the official Herald newspaper reported Moyo as saying.

"About 10 undocumented South African women were insisting on travelling with their husbands," the paper added.

Moyo said that embassy officials were working with the South African authorities to document Zimbabweans who have taken refuge at the Chatsworth Displacement Camp in Durban.

Foreign men are all different, but some of their characteristics stand out for all to see. And in an interview once conducted by Sowetan, local women sent a clear message that foreign men are way more responsible than local men. Last year, President Jacob Zuma openly said South African men are too lazy and that is why foreigners do well when they come to South Africa. This is also the reason why xenophobic attacks are taking centre stage in Durban and other parts of South Africa.

Though most foreign men are branded drug dealers and con artists, some local women are falling over themselves to get at these blokes.

What makes them irresistible and better than South African men?

According to Mpho Ngwekazi, a relationship and marriage counsellor in Johannesburg, most foreign men are brought up to be responsible.

"Most of them grew up under the watchful eye of their fathers, unlike most South African men whose fathers were absent due to migrant work, exile or adultery," Ngwekazi says.

She says foreign boys are taught to take charge and take risks, get into fights, know their territory and to protect it and everyone in it.

"The average African boy is taught to be responsible, be a leader and be the head of the household. Most South African men struggle to define what a real man is. Often the yardstick is many children, many women, a sports car, the loudest sound system and so on," she says.

Some local women would not dream of dating a foreigner, but increasingly, and in greater numbers, locals are marrying or dating foreigners.

Contrary to popular belief that they are marrying local women to acquire citizenship, these foreigners are getting married for noble reasons, says Grace Malinga, a church marriage counsellor from Word of Faith, a charismatic church in Roodepoort, Gauteng.

"More and more local ladies are showing up with their foreign men for pre-marriage counselling. This is a sign of commitment. They are determined to make a success of marriage and are bonded by love, faith and a commitment and want to live in happy matrimony," Malinga says.

She believes some foreign men have brought stability to local women.

"Some ladies come from broken relationships, some have children whose fathers deserted them, some are divorcées and others have never been in stable relationships."

She says some local men who are insecure can't stand foreign men.

"Foreigners have shaken locals out of their comfort zones. They have shown them how to be real men and now local girls have a reference to compare with."

What do local South African women say? Most women said they date foreign men because locals don't have what they have.

Tabita Mbuyazwe, 28, who has been dating a Nigerian for three years, says her boyfriend has restored her dignity.

"Before I met Chinedu I dated South Africans, but they treated me like trash. I hopped from bed to bed looking for love. They didn't want to commit and they all had stable relationships.

"Some had children from different mothers. Some local guys have the libido and energy to father an entire village, but they do not know how to raise those children.

"Chinedu did not only bring stability to my life, he brought dignity too."

She adds that foreign men are happy, hardworking and provide for their women.

Tebogo Malatjie, 34, who is married to a Zambian and has a child from a previous relationship, says her husband treats her better than all the men she had had before.

"He appreciates my affection and acknowledges my efforts. At the end of the day, that's all a girl wants. Most of the men I dated before only wanted me for sex and for show. Very few South African men have genuine respect for women."

She adds that her husband not only takes care of her child, but of her whole family too.

Zintle Zulu, 28, who is married to a Zimbabwean doctor, says dating a foreigner gave her security.

"Foreign men are very aware of a woman's needs. They are also better lovers. Most locals don't know how to romance a woman."

She adds that foreign men are very generous.

"Not all of them have money, but those who do spend it on their women. Locals are self-centred and stingy and rarely spend on their girlfriends."

But some local women say foreign men are overbearing, controlling and authoritarian.

Akhona Zitha, who rues the day she met her Nigerian ex-boyfriend, says she will never date a foreigner.

"Many are bullies who believe it is 'a man's world'. They have a tendency to relegate women to subservience. To most, a woman's place is in the kitchen."

She says her ex was macho, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement and thought the world belonged to him.

"He expected me to cook and clean and provide sex on demand".
Sign In or Register to comment.