Work on your Sex life in your marriage



My writing on sex in marriage is not an obsession but a great response to a great need for information and platform for married people to talk sex and help each other. Sex in marriage is not only about excitement but is what holds the marriage together. The enemy knows what to attack in marriage in order to destroy it or to kill its passions and render it unattractive. When he attacks sex he can destroy the marriage.
Most couples who divorce or fight or even kill each other, the bone of contention is of a sexual nature. It is either there has been a third sexual partner or there is no sex at all in the marriage.
So if sex is this important to marriage, then there is a greater need that we talk and encourage each other as couples on it until all of us are in a comfortable and safe position to handle its pressures. Today let me just share with you how important sex is in your marriage life.

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mathew 19 vs. 5-6.

The idea of marriage is for the two to become one flesh. Two people becoming one is the focus on marriage. There could be other ways of achieving this but sex is what God has given for couples to become one flesh. Sex consecrates the marriage and joins the two together in a realm deeper than we see and make them become one flesh.
In sex the couple shares all they have spirit, soul and body so they become one. The two of you is actually one person in two bodies.
You have shared all. God intended it to be so. That is why sex outside marriage is illegal for humanity. Imagine when you become one flesh with every one you sleep with. It becomes terrible and is a death trap. I think we need to understand the spirituality of sex before we indulge. Jesus says if you have sex with a prostitute, you become one with him or her. In marriage sex is what makes couples accomplish the one flesh purpose God intended and it is what bonds two different individuals together in love till death.
Sex is the heart and soul of marriage.
I can liken it to the fire place in a kitchen. Do you remember when you were growing up at your father’s homestead that there was a fire place? Fire is made there. The family comes along there, cooks, eats, warms itself up, talk, tell stories, gossip and do all those other things around the fire place. The family is kept together there. Sex is like that in marriage. It is a place of communion between the couple. It is a place of meeting in deeper dimensions. It is a place of warmth and giving, receiving and sharing. It keeps the couple together bound in unconditional love. The fire of passion towards each other and life is lit here and kept burning there. When you temper with sex, you temper with the life line of the marriage. Sex is your place of deeper intimate ‘worship’ God designed for marriage.
Marriage is no marriage without sex and this is the reason why it is important for couples to invest in their sex life.
This is the reason why it is important for couples to keep their sex life, clean, pure, exciting and passionate. Allowing your sex life to be clouded by other things is indirectly poisoning your marriage. You cannot leave your sex life to chance and fate. No. You work on it. Be deliberate about it. Sex is the anointing of the marriage and family life. When the couple’s sex life is thriving, their family is happy. Their children are impacted one way or another. Sex becomes the anointing oil of gladness and joy in the family. Sometimes we struggle with many moods and attitudes and the like in our marriages. May I suggest to you to check your sex life. It could be affecting you negatively.

In marriage sex has numerous benefits. It was never meant to bring harm but life and joy and passion and strength. It is more than a stress reliever, it is a life drug. It is exactly what you need for the tough situations ahead or you have gone through. Instead of passing through the pub after a long and bad day in the office, go straight home. There is something better than castle, something godly and intended for you and you alone.
Your sex life will not work itself to what you want; you will have to work on it yourself. I have said this, invest. How many of us really take time to find out how they can improve on their sex life in marriage.
Many get bored and commit adultery. That is not the way to do it. Even if you divorced and married another person, soon and very soon the same boredom will creep in and you will quit. What you need is to work on your attitudes, styles or ways, improve your environment and make your bedroom romantic and attractive and many other things. So I am calling couples to work on their marriages. And to improve the quality of your marriage consider working on the quality of your sex life before anything else. Prioritize this area before money and other things and your marriage will be sound. A couple that has a good sex life is confident and trusting each other and succeeding in all they set themselves to do. Your sex life should be blissful all the time. It should not be on anniversary only but on a daily basis. I am not suggesting you have intercourse daily but at least you can be romantic one to another and play and chill around all the time. What are you afraid of?
Stop being too old or holy for your sex life. You are killing yourself and your marriage. Be creative and excited.

Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment program and is pastor, counselor and author of The Sex Trap.
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