I met hip hop artiste AKA about two years on the set of LOL, Mzansi Magic’s comedy show. I had played the role of an undercover businessman seeking for a clothing deal with him, but all intended to harass him into getting him angry, all scripted with hidden cameras all around the Motherland cafe in Rosebank. he had attacked me physically. Nevertheless, nice guy, loveable to be with, I remember how apologetic he became after he discovered that it was all a prank and for fun.
This week has not been fun for AKA though, caught in the middle of a huge love drama between TV presenter Bonang Matheba and his baby mama Zinhle Jiyane (DJ Zinhle). AKA got into a relationship with Bonang about five months ago, while Zinhle, his girlfriend of two years, was still pregnant with their daughter.
Now, for me the truth is most men are like AKA, always presented with the opportunity to cheat and they embrace it. Destroying every relationship build with the other woman for the sake of a different vagina. What business does Bonang has in the life of the already committed AKA?
First of all both Zinhle (said she’s a proud zulu girl) and AKA (said he’s a proud christian) broke cultural and moral constitutions. Morally, I don’t see why they should move in together before marriage. Culturally, he never paid ilobola and only decided to pay damages for having constant sex with her and getting her pregnant too. Most men are that way, they get free sex, food and babies. Why do you then expect a cheater to pay lobola for you? Keep waiting for the miracle.
70% of South African women will have children outside of wedlock, most of them thinking the man is going to marry them. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way, even in business you sign a contract paper before proceeding, so why not visit the home affairs department before continuing? Marriage is the only car which you don’t test drive before buying it.
It is okay for a man to make a mistake but when his woman begin to not speak up, share the truth about their relationship, instead, she covers up for the man, then we are creating a culture that is negative and destructive. Zinhle wasn’t ready to be honest on why her relationship with AKA came to an abrupt end. She only opened up after AKA and Bonang embarked on a public display of affection just two weeks after they broke off. If women could open up more and not give excuses for the action of men, maybe men would begin to think twice before cheating.
For Bonang to into enter a relationship with AKA behind Zinhle’s back is sad. You should never do that to another sister. She was aware both were a couple, in a “steady relationship” and a baby on the way. Until women refuse to cheat with a man who is a relationship or marriage, we would never deal with this monster.
Why do most men like AKA cheat? Because most women let them do so.
We have a major problem here. The selfishness of Bonang and AKA has succeeded in giving AKA’s one-month-old daughter, Kairo, a fatherless home. Not her doing, no child deserve so much drama even before they become aware of themselves. We have so many of such homes and single parenthood all over the country, one of the highest in the world. We complain about our rude and obnoxious children but never examined our past selfish relationship motives which was a catalyst for such unhealthy parenting. As a husband and father, I know how important it is to have a healthy home. The thing with cheating is you wouldn’t just end up destroying yourself without destroying others.
The problem with cheating in any relationship or marriage is not just with men. Women like Bonang and Zinhle need to take the blame too, for agreeing to cheat with him and for lacking initial honesty respectively. Stop crying ladies, the problem is not just with men.
People; men and women will always cheat, but the question is, WILL YOU?
It’s time to act responsibly in any and every relationship. Cheating is very transgender.
AUthor- Solomon Izang Ashoms is an author and Founder & Editor of Parable lifestyle Magazine (http://www.parable.co.za
) based in Johannesburg, South Africa. He studied Communication with University of The Nations in Cape Town, Scotland and Switzerland.
He has met and interviewed personalities including T.D Jakes, late Miriam Makeba, Israel Houghton, Usain Bolt, Kirk Franklin, Serena Williams, Kolo Toure, Prince Albert of Monaco, Pele, Kobe Bryant and Thabo Mbeki. Solomon has covered 3 FIFA World Cup and 3 Olympic Games and is a BBC sport correspondent in South Africa.
He has appeared on CNN, eNCA, SABC, Australia TV and BBC. He blogs (www.solomonashoms.com) on relationship, sex, marriage, faith & culture. He is a one woman husband and a father of one son.
Catch him on twitter http://twitter.com/solomonashoms
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